The Organization's New Maid
by Eyna of the Moon
Summary: Xemnas picks up an unsuspecting woman to be the Organization's new maid. However, everybody underestimates this woman as she pulls out one surprise after another.
1. Look, I found an unsuspecting woman!

**Author's Note**

**So, yeah I'ma big Orgy XIII fan, so I couldn't help it. It stars Night's OC as the maid, and ensures humor, and maybe even a little OOC, please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer**

**Organization XIII doesn't belong to me. Grawr...**

* * *

"Maid," Zexion cleared his throat and began reading, his finger tracing the words as he spoke. 

"A young unmarried woman." he stopped to gauge Xemnas' expression. There was an odd look of curiousity on the Superior's face and he nodded for Zexion to continue.

Zexion sighed before reading the next meaning.

"A woman who has never had _sexual intercourse_..."

This time, Xemnas sneered and muttered something about buying adult dictionaries from telemarketers.

Zexion read the last meaning with relief, "A woman servant, for example, one working in a hotel."

A smirk crossed the Superior's face. "That's exactly what I'll get Number VI, a woman servant..." he gloated.

"I am a genius!" he raised both arms in the air, as he does while ranting about Kingdom Hearts. For one with no heart, he's quite expressive with his gestures.

Zexion was more-than-a-little peeved by Xemnas' arrogant comment. "Superior, why not have a male servant?"

"What? Are you mad? The fans have already come with a _disturbing_ anagram with my name, and getting a male servant would just assure them of that! Why, with a female servant, I'll never hear those ridiculous names again!"

"What do you know. He's as happy as a horny schoolgirl." Zexion muttered under his breath. Then he realized that he should never say things like that EVER again.

Luckily, Xemnas had already vanished into a dark portal and didn't hear the Schemer's atrocious remark.

As fate would have it, Xemnas stuck to his word.

It was both shocking and predictiable.

The other members were rather eager to see what the Superior dragged home. Who would follow some tan skinned, white-haired freak with a black coat? Someone mentally handicapped, that's who.

They were called into the hallway, and not the normal "tall chair" room to discuss the maid issue. (By the way, how does one get up to those chairs?) The hall was filled with chatter that suddenly ceased once the Superior entered the doorway. There was no one with him. Had he not found an unsupecting woman to kidnap?

"As you all may know, the Organization is one of the most feared group of villians. And yet, for villians on a full-time evil job, not including Sundays, it does get very tiring and also, very untidy." Oh, boy, this is going to take forever. "Today, I happen to stummble across a word, a very_ interesting _word, and I set out to find one worthy of this word. And well, as the say, cleanliness is next to godlyness, and I found someone who would do just that. Clean so that we may be gods!"

Xemnas gestured toward the doorway, "This is some lady, and she is our maid..." His tone of voice sounded more indifferent as he spoke of the maid.

There was complete silence, then footsteps, then a woman. She stood at about 5'4, had lovely dark hair that covered one eye and lay on her shoulder and glistening lavender eyes. The members didn't know what to do. Laugh? Cry? Pretend to like her? Kill her? Then, finally, Axel spoke.

"You know we just could've told the Dusks to do the cleaning for us."

"Yes, I do know, Number VIII, but has anyone used the Dusks to clean anything? Besides, it's more fun to tortune a heart-bearing human."

Luxord glanced at the woman to see how she took the insult. She seemed not to care.

"Any questions?" the Superior asked nicely, which is kinda creepy.

Larxene raised her hand.

"That really isn't necessary, Number XII, but what is it?"

"Can we go now?"

"Yeah!" A few other voices called out. Stupid younger members, always thinking their the kings of the world. Xemnas rubbed his temples. "Yes, you may leave."

Just as quickly as the hall was filled, it was empty. No one, but Xemnas and the new maid stood. Xemnas turned to the young woman. She stared back with an apatheic stare.

"I'm still getting paid, right?"

Xemnas flinched. _Crap! I forgot about that part!_ "Uhm, let me show you around the castle, my dear." he spoke, quickly changing the subject and attempting to compliment the woman. Didn't you read it or maybe I should rewrite it? You saw it? Okay.

And so, with a hand on the woman's shoulder, Xemmy lead the esteemed maid into the depths of the Castle.

It should be said that oringinally Xaldin was in charge of the kitchen duty, but seeing as the Organization had a maid to do everything (including cooking and laundry), he set this duty aside just to see what the maid could do. It was a personal hobby of Xaldin. Making people feel like crap. He leaned against the wall, next to the stove and awaited the arrival of the maid. He made sure to notify the others what time dinner would be served, and as most know, Nobodies get very angry if food isn't at the promised time.

The clock ticked to the exact moment to begin cooking (Let's say dinner's a 8 'o clock, so you begin cooking at 6) and no one was to be seen. Two minutes ticked by, and Xaldin became very pleased with himself as his plan was working. Then, after a clatter of pots and pans, the Esteemed Maid (that'll be her name from now on) wearing a pink apron entered the kitchen.

"I tell ya, I can never find my way around this place." she remarked, filling a pot with water and throwing it on the stove.

Xaldin was dumbfounded. "How did you know when dinner would be served?" he asked intimdatingly.

Intimidation didn't seem to work. "A nice man told me. His name was...Ah! Demyx! Quite the adorable fellow."

She took out a carrot and a knife and chopped with lightening fast speed.

Yet again, Xaldin was dumbfounded. Knives were removed from the Castle for the safety of wandering hands. How'd she get one?

"Uhm, where did you get that knife, _maid_?" he asked, stressing the word _maid_ as if women shouldn't know much.

"Oh, this?" insult ignored. "Xemmy told me that I would have to bring my own provisions when I'm first starting out on this job." she spoke while tossing the carrot slices into the pot and immediately slicing a potato.

Her skills were impressive, even for a chef like Xaldin. He lightened up and cleared his throat for the next question.

"Where did you learn to cook?"

"My father taught me. I cooked for my brothers all the time back at home, too. 'Cept, now I got a whole crowd to feed. This is going to be challenging..."

Xaldin stroked his chin. "What are you making?"

The Esteemed Maid chuckled. "I don't know."

Xaldin cocked an eyebrow. "_You don't know_?"

After tossing a couple of potatoes slices and chopped onions, she spoke again. "No, I don't. I'm experimenting."

She rummaged through more pots and pans and found a small bag. Xaldin could only glance at the galore of spices before she snatched out a few and threw them into the pot, which now smelled more like stew.

Xaldin had never heard of such a thing! Cooking without a book? What lunatic would attempt that? This maid is getting herself fired.

Or was she? She seemed to know what she was doing. Only time would tell now.

**Many experimental dishes and 2 hours later...**

"Dinner is served!" the Esteemed Maid announced.

It was actually very, _very_ suprising and very tasty looking. Truly, everyone had underestimated the maid; even Larxene was beginning to respect her and not because they both have ovaries.

Xemnas was overly proud of himself for finding such a wonderful maid.

And Xaldin...was pissed, yet highly regarded the new maid as a cook. The members didn't throw food as they would if he had cooked.

Now was the hard part: washing dishes. Again, as fate would have it, Demyx took a liking to the maid and helped.

Everything was calm in the Castle That Never Was, that is until, Axel started up a game of truth or dare. Guess what happens next? Hm? No!

He dared himself to bake a cake because he felt like it and wanted to try his hand at baking. The Esteemed Maid wasn't in the kitchen, and he didn't seem to care, so he mixed up some batter and said, "Screw the oven! I'll just use my pyrotechnics to blow up something I know the maid will have to clean up!"

Okay, maybe he didn't say that, but he was thinking it in the wee depths of his mind. And after this event, he began calling for the maid.

And he called.

And he called.

And he called.

"Where the hell is she?" he said, scratching his head and sitting on the dinner table which is a big "no-no" as declared by Xemnas, "The table could break and we don't want you getting a fork in the crevice of your ass."

Being the kindled spirit that he is, Axel notified the Superior right away.

Can't have a runaway maid, now can we?

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How was it? I think it's pretty good if I do say so myself, but the things that the creator is proud of, other people often say is crap. Flames and comments welcomed. I'll leave it up to you to judge if I should write a second chapter or not. 


	2. Where's My Money, BEYOTCH!

**Author's Note**

**On to chapter 2, my darlings! Y'know, I'm really starting to wonder if the Esteemed Maid's real name matters? Guess not. Yay for Xemnas OOC! It's so fun to mess with him. Hm..Only 48 hits? And 2 reviews? I've got to do better -Sigh-**

**Disclaimer**

**Boom! Oh, what? Oh! I do not own these people. Someone else owns the Esteemed Maid...Uhm...Rwar.**

* * *

The Esteemed Maid was nowhere to be found. She was gone and hadn't left behind a trace. The news of the maid missing dismayed Xemnas to the point of no return, that is if he weren't already there, so he just got sent back where he was. 

Especially since Axel was the bearer of the bad news, he was extremely wary. Maybe Axel and his cohorts tied up the poor girl and locked her in the closet with Zexion. Or worse! What if they locked her in the closet with...Xigbar?!

That accent would drive her mad! She'd never work for him again! So long - insert Xemnas' weird fantasy of the maid giving him a massage- (o.O)

Xemnas had to save her from emos and fake sufer-dude accents in the Closet of Doom!

"Superior?" non other than Luxord asked, quite concerned. Even in the midst of his thoughts, was he expressive with gestures. It looked as if Xemnas was acting out a play without words. No one stops him when he does this, however.

Not because the Superior would give you a smack in the face if you disturbed him. It's actually very amusing to watch. Who needs television when you've got Xemnas?

"Relax. The woman probably just went home to rest up." Luxord shrugged.

Xemnas refused to accepted Luxord's reasoning, "What? Rest? Why did she go home? She could've stayed here." he retorted.

Luxord shook his head. "Superior, the woman's human. Human's need rest. And even if she didn't, she'd probably go home afterwards because you didn't provide her with any necessities."

"Nece-what?" Now, Xemnas isn't dull-sighted. It just so happens that when you obsess over heart-shaped moons and correcting 11 followers and Larxene, you tend to forget how it felt when you had a heart.

Keeping this in mind, Xemnas calmed down. "You're right, Number X. Maybe she will just come back."

Just as Xemnas said, the maid did come back the next day, bustling around the Castle cleaning. She went into every room and straightened disorganized dressers and drawers and even closets.

It felt a little unusual to the members, as they felt like someone was invading their privacy, but they didn't complain. It was like someone invading your privacy and putting it where you'd always be able to find it.

How did the Esteemed Maid do this? She chatted with every member to judge what they liked. This was also good since she also got to know her clients better and they felt more comfortable with her snooping- I mean invading- Uhm...Cleaning things. Yeah.

As they say, the best things in life are free. This treatment, however, was not free. So, perhaps, all the best things in life cost a hella lot of munny.

The fifth day of work, the Esteemed Maid was becoming quite concerned with her payment at the end of the week. Xemnas hadn't even told her how much he'd pay, but said depended on how hard she worked. And she worked very hard.

Two more days pasted and the maid began slacking on her work. She's half-clean things, which is very annoying.

How you feel if someone half-washed your dishes? You'd have to finish washing it!

One more day passed and she barely touched a thing. She'd simply come, wipe a table or two, chat with the members, and lay on the couch and read a book! Very displeasing.

If one asked her to clean, or simply yelled, "Clean up in room (insert room name here)!" she'd yell back, "Clean it up your damn self!"

Many of the members assumed that she had started her period and didn't bother with it, but Luxord and his observant eye saw the problem hidden within.

The fourth day of overdue payment, Luxord took precious time out of his day to solve the problem. He also had a bet to win, so it would work out for him either way.

"Superior, it has come to my attention that the maid has been acting quite lazy, lately." he stated, straight to the point.

"Yes." this couldn't be good for Xemnas.

"Is it possible that to get this young woman to follow you, you bribed her with munny? And if so, the reason she's not been doing her job is that you failed to pay her the munny you owe?"

Xemnas wanted to slam his head against the wall. "Damn it, I hate when you're right. Yes! So what if I bribed the woman with money? Desperate times call for desperate measures."

"We weren't experiencing any 'desperate times', Superior." Luxord corrected.

"Shut up, I knew that."

"Right... Now, how do you suppose we solve this problem, Superior, if you have not the munny?"

"You pay her." Xemnas spat out quickly.

"W-what?" the fact Xemnas noticed that Luxord had munny flattered him. C'mon, Luxord, you're the Gambler of Fate, you're supposed to always have money, otherwise you wouldn't be a gambler. You'd just be some poor guy with a British accent and a gambling addiction.

"I would pay her, sir, but are you willing to make a bet on it?" Luxord grinned that sneaky grin of his.

Xemnas cocked an eyebrow.

"Are you retarded? I just said _you pay her_!"

Luxord sighed and muttered under his breath, "No one likes to have fun these days..."

Luxord turned and created a dark portal, "I just hope you know that means you owe me money...bitch..."

**Next day...**

"Uhm...Maid? ...How are you today...?"

"Oh, just fine, Lexy dear." the Esteemed Maid greeted Lexaeus with a pat on the cheek and a smile. (She had to stand on her toes just to get near his neck, but he kneeled down.) Lexaeus seemed a bit befuddled, but the maid wasn't angry at the world today, so that was clarification enough.

"By the by...Why were you so angry...?" Lexaeus began to stammer. He normally wouldn't be this hesitant, but the maid's anger was something to be feared.

"Financial issues, dear. I just had to withdraw payment from a old friend." the maid smiled mischievously. Without another word, the maid gathered her cleaning supplies and headed off to clean the next room.

And yet again had the maid left another member in shock.

**Wait, wait...preview of next chapter**

"I'll tell you a story my friend told me. It's about 2nd graders who went on a field trip that got delayed because of a cow in the middle of the road. The poor children had to wait on the bus while the bus driver had to attempt to push the the cow, get the farmer, and wait for the farmer to finally got the cow."

"Couldn't they just have driven around the cow?"

"No. Made too much sense."

"And the moral of this story?"

"Moral? What moral? I was telling you a story."

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Yay! This chapter is short, and I really wish it wasn't, but the next chapter will be nice and long for ya! Yeah, still wondering if the maid's still too perfect? The next chapter should change your mind about that, too. I'll have it up shortly. Yesh...Mwuhaha! 


	3. The Beginning of the END Part 1

**Author's Note**

**Dude, this is so fun to write. Yeah, I had writer's block, but thanks to my younger brothers help, I was able to continue!**

**Disclaimer**

**I do not own the Organization...Hurawr...**

* * *

"Hey, maid, is there anything you can't do?" Roxas decided upon asking one day.

The Esteemed Maid thought about that question for awhile, then simply answered, "Probably."

"What would it involve?"

"You trying to sabotage me, boy?" Okay, so maybe he wasn't, but the maid isn't naive.

"No. I just wanted to know."

The maid narrowed her eyes. And not because she had a toilet to clean and the smell was near drawing tears to her eyes.

"I can't take care of things that don't speak."

Roxas cackled. "Wait, you were serious?"

The maid nodded. "Roxy, boy, there are a million things you shouldn't know about me-"

"Like your age? We took a vote on that yesterday."

"What...?"

"Yeah. Axel, Larxene, and I voted on you being about thirty."

_Do I look that old?_ The maid was quite in shock, as no woman wants to be middle-aged. There's something about not having any children if your middle-aged. Then you rush to your husband and beg him to make a baby, which, freaks him out.

"Then Xaldin, Xigbar, and Marluxia said that you were in your twenties."

_That doesn't seem so bad_.

"And that you're probably a single mother with five children, which explains why you work here."

"Listen, boy, don't you think you could make me just a _wee_ bit normal." Lord forbid these pitiful explainations.

"Normal? Pft. Nothing's normal here, lady." Roxas said, pointing to Xigbar walking upside down.

"Good point."

As fate would like to interrupt right now, Vexen caming hastily walking down the hall towards Roxas, which is rare. And since it's fate, something is supposed to happen. That's when, _poof_, the maid is gone and Roxas is left by himself to deal with the old miser.

"Number XIII, have you seen that woman?" he asked, his arms crossed and his foot tapping the floor impatiently.

"Uh...The...Maid?" _No, Roxas! Don't tell him!_ The maid pleaded silently from the other side of the bathroom door.

"No... I'm just waiting for Axel to come out the bathroom. Right!" Now is about the time Roxas would have one of those giant sweatdrops smacked on his head.

"Well, when you see her, tell her I need her to clean some, _immediately._" God knows why he had to stress that last word. And so, having delievered his message, Vexen scurred down the hall muttering to himself as he's prone to do while very irritated and walking.

There was a knock on the bathroom door. "Is he gone?"

"Yeah."

The maid opened the door fiercely, breathing heavily. "Good lord, what do you Nobodies do in there?!"

"What else do you do in a bathroom? That aside, why'd you hide from Vexen? He couldn't be that b- wait...Yeah he could, but why?"

"You wouldn't understand." the maid stared into space.

"Oh god! You have a crush on the old geser?!" Roxas nearly choked and laughed uncontrollably "I knew you were middle-aged!"

The maid twitched to keep her hand from suddenly grabbing a scrubber and plopping Roxas on the head with it. _Children_...

"That's like me saying you and that Axel kid have something more than friendship."

Roxas instantly shut up.

"That's what I thought." she grumbled.

The maid sighed. She wasn't particularly comfortable with reliving childhood memories.

"When I was little- actually just three years ago- there was a boy who always bought me ice cream. Well, not just ice cream, anything cold. You know, like snowcones and those nifty frozen poptarts?"

Roxas nodded. This is interesting.

"It just so happens that I had a crush on this guy and now that I think about it, he wasn't...the best looking guy." the maid gazed down a Roxas, who had too much of an interested look.

"Long story short, I have a cold-fetish."

Roxas cackled once more. "Oh, wait. You were serious?"

"Listen, boy. I don't lie about my past. If I didn't have self control (and long hours of therapy), I would be sucking your head up though a vaccum right now. It's taking ever ounce of my being to keep from pouncing on that guy and trying to see if my toungue gets stuck to him!"

_'Hm, Vexen as a popsicle?'_ Roxas thought. No Roxas, don't! "AH! My eyes!"

Roxas gasped for air and twitched. "Middle aged...PEOPLE! Doing IT! AcccccCCCCKKKKKkkkKKKK!!!!!!"

The maid kicked Roxas just for that. "For the last time, I'm not middle aged and I don't have a crush on that guy!"

The maid paused. "I'm gonna need a drink..." she mummbled. But forgetting she had a bathroom to clean, she put on a mask and proceeded to fix that up. Then she'd get a drink...And some Tylenol...

The sad fact for the maid was that no matter how many drinks she had, the problem would remain.

She had only went down to Vexen's basement of a room twice; both of which she nearly fainted because of overjoyment of the cold. And whenever she cleaned, she assured herself that Vexen was much too involved in experiments to notice her.

Gulping down another shot of liquor (that she had for emergencies like this), Xaldin stared in awe, then smirked.

"That's eight. Something really must be bugging you."

"No -bleep- Sherlock." the Esteemed Maid snapped in a half-druken state. She laid her head on the table and stared at a faint object across the room. "I'm gonna feel this in the morning..."

Xaldin burshed the bridge of his nose as he smelled something foul in the air. This meant one of two things:

1. Axel was literately "cooking up trouble"

or 2. Someone had just used the restroom.

Alas, the faint object the maid was staring at happen to be Zexion, who Xaldin turned to with a sly grin on his face. Zexion gazed up from his book reluctantly. Whatever it was Xaldin wanted, it wouldn't turn out well for him in the end. And he couldn't refuse, that is, if he wanted his non-existant life to end by being shish kebabed, he couldn't.

Just as Xaldin presumed, Axel was in deed literately "cooking up trouble". That, and someone had just used the restroom. (Cough) Saix. (Cough)

It was simply a whim, but one that couldn't be ignored for Xemnas. Everyone knows, when Axel decides to prank (or cause trouble) stuff blows up. So, the fact that Vexen was very much peeved that the maid hadn't cleaned up the mess he wished to be cleaned in 4 hours 36 minutes and 11 seconds of him searching for her was because he lived in the basement and, let's face it, no one goes down there. Besides, they were much too eager to see what Axel would cook up. (You know that you have nothing else to do with your non-existant life when you're excited about pyros setting things on fire.)

What brought much anticipation was that Axel's best friend forever, Roxas, wasn't accompanying him. He was no where to be seen. Nor was the Esteemed Maid, Xaldin, or Zexion.

So, let's review, shall we? That was quite a bit of information I gave there. And, truth is, I barely remember what I wrote. (o.O) Anyway, (Ahem)

To get rid of her cleaning Vexen's basement of a room, the maid drank all of her problems away...Resulting in her being drunk and utterly useless as a maid.

Meanwhile, Axel is preparing for something huge for the maid to clean up because he is Axel and, therefore, badass.

The other Organization members (not including Vexen) are eagerly awaiting what Axel will do.

Vexen is pissed that the maid hasn't cleaned up the mess and is seething while counting the seconds on the clock.

The Maid, Xaldin, Roxas, and Zexion are nowhere to be seen. What could this all mean?

Oh, the story about the cow? That was just one of the maid's half-druken stories. Hmm, let's check on the maid.

"Ouch, you know that really tickles..." the Maid giggled while smacking away Roxas' hand.

"I wasn't even touching you."

"Oh, Taco Rico, you're so funny..." the maid spoke slowly, waving her arms in the air.

Roxas blinked. "Who the -bleep- is Taco Rico?"

"You might as well stop talking to her altogether, XIII. I observed what she was drinking...She should be in a drunken state for at least over a day." Zexion stated.

"And you should probably stay away from her," Xaldin appeared from the darkness with his hand behinds his back, pacing the floor. "It's common in the human world that those drunken do odd sexual things without realizing it. I would say that she might jump one of you if she mistakes you for something she wants, but, Roxas, is the bit of information you've given us true?"

"Yup. Told me herself, I'm sure." Roxas nodded and gave a thumbs up sign.

"Alright, Zexion, it's your turn."

Zexion gulped.

* * *

Yay! It was about time I got through with it. Luckily, I finished Death Note, so I'm sorta done being obsessed with it. XD But this will we the last chapter I put up this week. Then I'll be gone for the whole weekend. I just wanted to put this up. Hope it was worth the wait.

Please R & R!


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